The International Chessoid Tomorrow's Muse Today !

"Them aliens ate my chessboard".
So says Ms. Delie Pickell of Brontosauron, Louisiana, during an exclusive interview on February 10, 2008. "I ain't nevah seen anything like it!"

Ms. Pickell, who is a webpage designer and part-time intelligence analyst for the Chess Disinformation Agency, a top secret black ops program funded by the Pentagon, was working on her computer in the den when she heard "a whistling sound coming from out back by the out house".

The intrepid Ms. Pickell, armed with a pick ax she keeps at hand to dispatch "pesky varmints", went out into the dark and stormy night to investigate. There, she saw a sight that raised the hairs on the back of her neck...

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..."There was these critters out there scootching around the outhouse and whistling 'Dixie' like there was no tomorrah". Ms. Pickell approached the critters, yelling and waving her pick ax at them.

When asked if she was frightened by the prospect of confronting the aliens hanging around her out-house, Ms. Pickell laughed and said "Heck no, honey! When you work for the CIA, you got to expect seeing real strange stuff and goings on. Why, just last week I seen this picture of this here famous grand master and a life-size blow-up Queen and I won't tell ya what he was doin' with her!"

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"Anyways, I come toward 'em - there was five or six of 'em, waving my pick ax, and they all took off in different directions. I lit off after the slowest one - he must have been the oldest one cuz his hair was all grey so I figured he was the leader - but I lost him in the woods! Couldn't find hide nor hair of him or the others."

Ms. Pickell went back to her house to call the Gatorade County Sheriff, only to discover that her front door had been disintegrated and her chess pieces and chessboard had been reduced to crumbs! "I was real upset 'bout that, I was. That set was real genuine Mexican onyx and it was real purty too - pink and white. All that was left was a few itty pieces! They musta double-backed on me, ray-gunned the door to get at my chess set and et it. Damn!"

Ms. Pickell was able to identify several of the aliens who had been "whistling Dixie" around her out house, picking their mug shots out of a book of suspected aliens maintained by the FBI. The authorities are investigating, but Ms. Pickell snorted at the thought that the culprits will ever be brought to justice.

And why did the aliens eat Ms. Pickell's genuine Mexican pink and white onyx chess set? Ms. Pickell doesn't know and the authorities would not openly speculate on possible reasons for such behavior.

If........
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"ALIENS ATE MY CHESSBOARD"
This T I C Report filed from the digital desk of: Tasha Newton Patton Ace Canine Sidekick of Alpheta Patton and Reporter Extraordinaire in Her Own Write

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