ALPHETA'S LITERARY AGORA

Move Before Checkmate
by Don McLean - 2002

T'was a move before checkmate and all through the club
Not a patzer was stirring - not even my mum
My white queen was cornered - my king nearly bare
All hope of escaping seemed thinner than air;
Both bishops were nestled all snug in their cells
Imprisoned by pawns - What a vision of hell!
With knights on my doorstep and rooks at my back
I knew my opponent had mate in the sack

One uppity pawn was my only attacker
The scene on the board - it could hardly look blacker
Arrayed in their windows like clams in the sand
The red pawns were staring me down to a man
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea
When the new moon rolls bright over Ashtapadee

When up from my pawn there arose such a chatter
I bent over the board to make out his palaver
"Arrest the red queen" were the words that he said
"Unless you jump to it, our king will be dead!"
I asked him to tell me just what was his name
"Houdini!" he cried, as he hit the eighth frame

The red queen unravelled - her plans all a-scuttle
Swung close to her king - as her only rebuttal
"Too late!" cried Houdini - who felled her at once
Giving chase to the king in his very own house
On Chico! On Harpo! - he called to his friends
While knights of red order lept to the defense
We played until dawn in a furious feud
The red and the white dining on Chinese food

In my fortune luck cookie - a message that read
"All chessmen are wild. Every jest is a test."
I looked to my bishop - who gave me a wink
As I thought for a moment - "This must be a trick."
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a boatload of beasts docking in at the pier
With a kindly Alphonso so lively of wit
I knew by his laughter this had to be it!

More rapid than Trojans they boarded the game
The camels and crocs and the Jabberwocks twain
As the spectacle surged and the animals roared
Many chess pots lay broke in the Temple of Gourds
And the history books o'erlooking it all
Tumbled down from their shelves - took a terrible fall
Like Humpty and Dumpty - Twee Dum and Twee Dee
When the dust had all settled, t'was nothing to see
But the red king, the white king, Houdini and me